I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
