you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
