I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
