Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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