she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
