no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
