i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
