I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
