i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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