Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This baby is an asshole
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
