which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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