i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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