K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
