If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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