is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
