Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this boner is exhausting
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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