Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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