I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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