I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
