My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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