well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
