No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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