sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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