a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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