mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
