Got a toothbrush?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
