I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
