best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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