Quick, to the slutcave!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
