Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
