Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
