i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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