I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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