Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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