I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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