he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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