I just pynch a tree in the face
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
