if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
