2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm drive I can fine osifer
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
