ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i think i just lost a toe
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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