We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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