I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
