I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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