i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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