i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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