I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
