i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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