What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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