she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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