hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
