i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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