this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
