exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
