just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want her autograph on my taint
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
