You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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