I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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