i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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