She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
